After emerging from my darkest day on the 4th of July, narrowly avoiding becoming a statistic of the 22-a-day veterans, I awoke with a new sense of purpose and a fresh outlook on life. Sharing my experiences of death and trauma has not only provided hope and inspiration to others who are struggling but has also been profoundly healing for me. This realization has driven me to write my autobiography, baring my soul and sharing my darkest struggles in the hopes of saving someone from the same despair.

It's like tending to a large, fresh open wound. You know you have to clean it and get rid of any germs or bacteria, even though it's going to hurt. But you have to do it, and as the wound burns, you know it's also healing. That's exactly how it felt for me. When I was writing about all the nightmares I had experienced, I was reliving them mentally, emotionally, and sometimes even physically. There was one chapter that took me several weeks to write because I could only manage to write a few words at a time before the trauma caught up with me. But I kept pushing through, never giving up, and following my Army Infantry motto, Semper Anticus, Always Forward.

My experiences are very unique, and I urge others not to go through what I did and not to make the horrible decisions I made. I say that because, as a young teenager, I tried committing suicide multiple times. With each attempt, I was only stopped by an outward force, a guardian angel, G-d, Himself, if you choose. There was a physical force that paralyzed me and kept me from being successful, as well as miracles. From that last attempt, it was always in my mind that it wouldn’t do any good to try suicide again because that outward force would stop me. I don’t see it as a strength to persevere through as it was more of knowing there was no escape and that I would get through it. I knew there would be pain and frustration and anger, but I knew I would get through. As I keep saying, the Army Infantry motto, Semper Anticus, Always Forward, keeps me going. A step here. Then, another step. Even if you have to crawl, keep moving forward, no matter how small the movement. And when you get through it, and you will, you will be much stronger and hopefully, a better person for it.

When I was 14 or 15 years old, the first time I had cancer, I used humor to cope with the situation. For example, when the doctor told me I had a rare type of intestinal cancer, I remember asking him if it was rare enough to put me on the news. Everyone laughed, and he replied, “It’s not that rare.” During those times of facing multiple surgeries for it, I kept focusing my attention on flirting and making jokes with the cute nurses. In my mind, it was embedded that I wasn’t going to die. I believe keeping a positive mental attitude and using comedy as a relief really helped. It was going through those death experiences that help mold my sense of humor and mentality today. My outlook is that I’m going to go through hell anyway, I might as well make it fun and make people laugh. Growing up watching and listening to stand-ups and shows by Mel Brooks, Robin Williams, Bill Cosby, Sam Kinison, Rodney Dangerfield, Eddie Murphy, Weird Al, and Gallagher really forged my literal, sarcastic, silly, and goofy sense of humor to be able to make strangers laugh and ease my burdens.

Although there were times I was a goof-off in the Army, and my body and brain have suffered much from the first Iraq War and chemical weapons, I look at it as at 19 years old, I helped liberate an entire country from a sick, demented, evil regime and hundreds of thousands of people today are alive and free because of our actions in saving Kuwait. It just would have been nice of the US government let us have the reward money the King of Saudi offered us. LoL As many veterans say, “I would do it all over again, knowing what I am suffering through today, in order that many would live and be free.” That was also when I learned one of my life’s mottos, which I have keep mentioning: Semper Anticus, Always Forward. Living that motto is what gets me through such traumas.

Having had such a diverse career has really added fuel to the fire of material in my autobiography. Those experiences have given me the courage to bare it all from the depths of my soul for the world to see, that I may reach as many as I can to guide and help them from giving up on life. To let them know they can have a great future after traumatic events. It has allowed me to be able to relate to a broad spectrum of people with diverse backgrounds and experiences so that they may know they are not alone in this.

In the early stages of my life, being a poet allowed me to express the dark challenges I faced and to connect with others, especially women. Writing poetry and crafting fantasy and science fiction stories provided an essential outlet for me to maintain my mental well-being. In my autobiography, I reveal that the situation at home had become extremely dangerous and violent, reaching a point where it was a matter of life and death. Writing became my escape and a way out of that perilous environment. Later on, I discovered the calming effect of nature photography, finding solace and harmony in capturing moments in nature where I felt a sense of belonging and connection with the universe. The beauty and wonder of the natural world left me feeling revitalized and spiritually fulfilled.

Wow, what a deep question. I could probably write another book just on that topic. When I write and talk about battling the Angel of Death, I’m not just talking metaphor; I’m talking literally facing Death as an entity, a spiritual being. There are actual moments in my autobiography when I go into detail about such encounters, not just metaphorically but quite literally and physically. How those experiences have shaped my perspective on life and death, and the universe, really, is that with all creatures, all humans, all nationalities, all races, all heritages, all non-humans, all animals, all other beings, there are three categories one of them would fall into. Simply, there are those that are good, those that are evil, and those that are neutral. In other words, some beings are helpful, those that wish us harm, and those that are indifferent, neither wish us harm nor are friendly towards us. All my experiences have shown me there is life beyond this physical, fleshly body on this earth, and what we do here determines how the next life, the afterlife, will be for us. Those situations are what I have experienced.

I hope every reader will be impacted by my autobiography and see similar moments in their life where they may have struggled or are still struggling and learn they are not alone. For them not to give up or give in, but to always move forward, Semper Anticus. That they realize and believe they can have a bright future after traumatic events. For my readers to walk hand in hand with me throughout my battles and know they, too, can get through it and be victorious. For them to discover and follow their F.A.T.E.

Honestly, I never transitioned. My autobiography has been 10 years in the making, and I was writing while experiencing many of the newer events. For instance, the entire Section IV is all about my death-defying adventures in the Philippines, from living there between 2019 and 2023. One of the major events that took place is still unresolved today, talking about the assassination of the governor I was a personal advisor for, assassinated by my Filipina ex’s cartel family. It is still in the headlines today and can be watched on YouTube and CNN Philippines.

Before embarking on my autobiography, my answer would have been different. Yet, to this day, my most fulfilling role is writing, publishing, and promoting my intense, action-packed, heart-wrenching, inspirational life story. I say this because I hear back from my readers how it has impacted their lives and what a better perspective they have on life. I have been told it has also renewed their dreams and goals in life and given them hope and encouragement to fulfill them.

For my next endeavor, I am excited to share that I will be translating and publishing my autobiography in Spanish. With Spanish being the second most widely spoken language in the world, I aspire to reach and resonate with diverse cultures. My roots in Hispanic heritage from both side+s of my family make it especially meaningful for me to pay tribute to my maternal grandfather and paternal grandmother, mi Abuelita de mi corazón. Furthermore, there have been discussions about adapting my autobiography into a movie and a TV series, although nothing has been finalized as of yet. In addition, I am embarking on a new project that is currently in the phase of gathering evidence and research.